Love them or hate them, household responsibilities are part of being an adult. While that includes things like paying bills and taxes, it’s also grocery shopping, meal preparation, and taking out the trash. Though children don’t have to pay bills, they shouldn’t be exempt from household chores.
As a parent, you may remember fighting with your parents about doing chores and being “forced” into completing them. Now that you’re a parent, you may think you want to avoid those arguments or think children shouldn’t have chores outside of going to school and finishing their homework.
However, being involved in household responsibilities as a child can plant the seeds for adult success if chores are handled properly and started early.
Why Children Should Have Household Chores
As a parent, you probably think it’s important for kids to have chores because it teaches them valuable life skills, like how to prioritize and manage their time, not to mention how to sweep floors. You may also think your child needs to learn that helping around the house is necessary because they’re part of the family, and every family member should contribute to household responsibilities.
Well, science agrees. One study found that doing chores builds a child’s self-confidence, contributing to their academic, social, and career success throughout life. Assigning the chores isn’t enough, though. Children need to complete the chores to experience the full benefits.
What Stops Kids From Completing Chores
So, if science says kids should complete chores around the house, what prevents children (and parents) from getting things done?
Lacking Clear Expectations
Sometimes, chores are assigned without clear expectations. For example, if you ask your child to clean their room, what do you mean? Is it making the bed and putting dirty laundry in the hamper? Or do you also expect them to put their toys and other clutter away?
When parents don’t communicate their expectations clearly, children become confused and frustrated, making it less likely they’ll complete this chore now and in the future.
Assigning Inappropriate Chores
While you know your child best, it’s important to assign age-appropriate chores to your child. For example, a four- or five-year-old can help feed pets but maybe aren’t ready to unload the dishwasher or do the laundry.
Asking a child to take on chores they aren’t ready for is setting them up for failure. If they can’t complete their chore, they may be less likely to do it next time.
Being Inconsistent
There will be times when your child can’t finish their chores, and that’s OK. Maybe they’re sick, you have family commitments that create a time crunch, or it’s finals week at school. Letting your child know it’s OK to skip chores occasionally is fine, provided they talk to you about the situation. But when it’s happening frequently, your child will learn that their assigned chores are more suggestions than responsibilities.
Sibling Rivalry
Dividing household responsibilities can create sibling rivalry, which may lead to no one completing their chores. While you may understand why you’ve assigned certain duties to your four-year-old, your nine-year-old may not care about your reasons.
Helping older children understand why they have “harder” tasks can help, as can piling on the praise when they’ve completed their chores. But parents need to calmly and carefully navigate tough terrain when it comes to siblings and chores.
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How to Involve Your Kids in Household Responsibilities
So, how do you involve children in household chores while minimizing conflict?
Start Early
Children can take on simple household chores as early as two or three. They can:
- Help take clothes out of the dryer and put them in a basket
- Put their clean clothes in drawers
- Carry their backpack
- Turn off lights at bedtime
Encouraging young children to take on some responsibility will help them feel included and start laying the groundwork for bigger tasks when they’re ready.
Assign Age-Appropriate Responsibilities
Older children can often take on more complex tasks and multi-step chores, like:
- Setting the dinner table
- Doing the laundry
- Taking out the garbage
You may even be able to assign them several duties each week, like being responsible for emptying the dishwasher, cleaning their room, and walking the dog.
Explain the Steps
Kids don’t always understand the smaller tasks that make up the big one, leading to frustration and misunderstanding. Likewise, children with ADHD or other executive function challenges, assigning a large or vague task may be overwhelming.
Particularly when you’re adding a new chore, outline your expectations for each step of the process. For example, if “set the table for dinner” is your child’s new responsibility, you may need to explain in detail what that means, like where the silverware goes and in what order, where to place glasses, and if each place needs a napkin.
Patience is crucial during this time. It may take several practice rounds before your child masters the new chore.
Timing Is Everything
You may like a perfectly clean and neat kitchen before starting your day, but your child’s schedule may not allow them to wash the dishes before school starts. Likewise, younger children may be a bit pent up right after school, so asking them to fold the laundry as soon as they get home may not work out the way you plan.
Consider when your child is at their best and the realities of their schedule. While time management and prioritizing are part of incorporating chores into a daily routine are skills your kids will learn, it takes time to get things right. What works for you and your schedule may not work for your children, so flexibility and patience will help you and your kids get it right.
Include Every Family Member
While you’ll pass some of your duties to the kids, passing every household task to them may not go over so well. After all, if every family member needs to contribute, doesn’t that include mom and dad?
An equitable distribution of duties includes parent and child, allowing the whole family to balance work and play and contribute to the household.
Give Them a Choice
One great way to help kids engage with chores is to let them pick which ones they want to do. You could let your kid pick out which chore they want to do permanently or create a rotating system where family members switch duties every week or month.
Use a Calendar, Chart, and Rewards
Another great way to encourage involvement is to use a calendar or chore chart to keep everyone organized and know who is responsible for doing what and when. This can help parents keep track of which family members are keeping up with their assigned chores and who needs more oversight.
Likewise, a reward system helps link chores to positive outcomes. When everyone completes their assigned jobs, they get a reward, like their allowance or extra TV time. But when someone doesn’t finish them, perhaps they don’t get the reward, but can try again next week or month.
Building Future Success
Involving your children in household responsibilities like chores now sets them up for future success in school and life. It can be stressful at first, but with a consistent routine, you can get your child to take out the trash.
If you’ve tried these suggestions and maybe a few more but still have difficulties, the skills clinicians at Anchor Light Therapy Collective can help. We offer child therapy, family therapy, teen therapy, and parent coaching in Seattle and can help you find the best solution. Schedule a consultation today.
