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How to Handle Child Tantrums and Meltdowns

Hannah Pomfret

Oct 30, 2023

Parenting is a journey filled with joyous moments and challenging hurdles. Among these challenges, dealing with child tantrums and meltdowns can be particularly taxing, yet how we handle these situations is crucial for healthy child development and maintaining family harmony. Understanding the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is essential. Tantrums typically occur when children are trying to get something they want or need and are marked by crying, screaming, or stomping. They often happen in response to frustration or a desire for attention. In contrast, meltdowns usually stem from feeling overwhelmed or due to sensory overload, and they tend to escalate quickly regardless of audience or setting.

The good news is, that with the right approach, parents can learn effective strategies to manage these intense moments. By maintaining calm and implementing proactive techniques, parents can not only help their children learn to navigate their emotions but also reduce the frequency and intensity of these challenging episodes.

Strategies for handling tantrums and managing meltdowns

Immediate responses to tantrums

  • Stay calm: The initial and most crucial response to a child’s tantrum is to remain calm. Demonstrating calm behavior can significantly influence your child’s ability to regain composure, helping them learn to manage their own emotions.
  • Acknowledge feelings: Effectively handling tantrums involves acknowledging your child’s emotions. Say something like, “I see you’re upset because you can’t have more screen time right now.” This validation helps de-escalate the tantrum by making your child feel heard and understood.
  • Ignore or distract: Depending on the situation, ignoring the tantrum to avoid reinforcing the behavior or distracting your child to shift their focus can be effective. Engaging them in a new activity or pointing out something interesting can quickly divert their attention and end the tantrum.
  • Set clear expectations: Clearly communicated rules and consistent consequences help manage child behavior. Understanding these boundaries often reduces the frequency of tantrums as children learn what is expected of them.

Proactive strategies

  • Identify tantrum triggers: Learn to recognize early signs of a tantrum. Understanding what sets off your child’s tantrums, whether it’s due to tiredness, hunger, or overstimulation, can help you take steps to mitigate or prevent these triggers.
  • Encourage good behavior: Reinforcing good behavior with praise encourages more of it. Commend your child when they express themselves calmly, reinforcing the positive behaviors you want to see more frequently.
  • Create a calm space: Designate a specific area in your home as a ‘calm space’ where your child can go when they feel overwhelmed. This area should be comforting and equipped with items that help soothe them.
  • Use of signals and preemptive communication: Establish signals with your child that they can use to communicate increasing frustration before it escalates into a tantrum. This helps both of you manage emotions more effectively and prepare for potential upsets.

Approaches to meltdowns

  • Before the meltdown: Be proactive by identifying and understanding your child’s emotional triggers. Early recognition and strategies such as distraction or discussing feelings before they escalate can prevent a meltdown.
  • During the meltdown: Focus on ensuring your child’s safety, providing reassurance, and maintaining a calm environment. Sometimes, a gentle hug or holding hands can help, provided the child is receptive.
  • After the meltdown: Allow time for both of you to recover, then discuss the event in a way that helps your child understand and process what happened. Planning how to handle future situations together can empower your child to better manage their reactions.

Understanding tantrums and meltdowns in specific age groups

As children grow and develop, their emotional landscapes evolve and connecting with each age requires a tailored approaches to effectively manage tantrums and meltdowns. There are also plenty of resources for the defiant three-year-old, but each year of life provides different developmental challenges so it’s good to investigate and understand each age.


At four years old, children are still mastering the art of emotional regulation. Typical triggers for tantrums include transitions between activities, not being able to complete a task, or feeling overwhelmed in social situations. Effective soothing techniques for preschoolers involve clear and simple explanations along with routine reinforcement. Techniques like using a calm voice to explain why things are happening, or offering choices between two acceptable options, can give a sense of control back to the child and help soothe their frustrations.


Five-year-olds undergo significant developmental changes that can intensify emotional responses. They start to engage more deeply with friends and have a greater awareness of their surroundings, which can sometimes be overwhelming. To guide them through expressing their feelings, parents can encourage verbal expression by naming emotions and modeling how to articulate feelings in words. Simple strategies like encouraging them to use phrases such as “I feel sad because…” can help them link emotions to causes and start to manage their feelings more effectively.


As children enter the formal school environment, the changes can impact their behavior and emotional regulation. Six-year-olds might experience tantrums as a response to the new demands of school life, such as following a strict schedule or dealing with academic pressures. Parents can help by discussing what happens at school and setting up a routine that allows children to unwind and express any school-related stress in a safe, understanding environment.


Seven-year-olds face new academic and social challenges that can lead to frustrations. These children are developing a better sense of self-awareness and are more affected by peer relationships and academic expectations. Techniques to handle these frustrations include setting aside time to talk about their day, practicing problem-solving skills together, and providing consistent support that reassures them that they can handle these challenges. Acknowledging their struggles and praising efforts rather than outcomes can also bolster their confidence.


At eight, children are more cognizant of their social environments and can experience complex emotions related to friendships and school expectations. Managing these emotions involves teaching them to identify feelings and triggers, and helping them develop coping strategies such as deep breathing or taking time-outs when overwhelmed. Parents can also help by role-playing different scenarios, which allows children to practice responses to social situations in a low-stress setting, thereby improving their emotional agility.

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Long-term approaches to reduce tantrums and meltdowns

Effective long-term strategies are essential for nurturing emotional intelligence and reducing tantrums and meltdowns, providing both children and parents with tools for better handling challenging emotions and situations.

Building emotional intelligence

Teaching kids to express feelings: Using tools like the feelings wheel can be instrumental for children to identify and articulate complex emotions beyond basic expressions like “happy” or “sad.” This enhances their ability to communicate precisely how they feel, which can lead to better emotional management.

Encouraging emotional resilience: Teach children coping strategies for dealing with disappointment and frustration. Role-playing various scenarios can help children practice their responses, making them more prepared to handle real-life situations. Discussing past incidents where they successfully managed their emotions can also reinforce positive handling of feelings.

Parental actions

Modeling positive behavior: Children often emulate adult behaviors, so demonstrating healthy emotional responses and coping strategies is vital. When parents handle stress and conflict constructively, it provides a clear model for children to follow.

Consistency and boundaries: Consistent enforcement of rules and boundaries creates a stable environment for children. Knowing what to expect from their actions helps them feel secure and reduces instances of tantrums and meltdowns.

Active listening and communication: Foster an open line of communication where children feel heard and understood. Active listening involves acknowledging their feelings, asking open-ended questions, and validating their emotions. This strengthens the parent-child bond and encourages children to share their feelings more openly.

Community and social support

Social skills development: Engage children in activities that build social skills, such as team sports, music classes, or art clubs. These settings provide natural opportunities for children to navigate social dynamics, practice patience, and experience teamwork.

Seeking external support when needed: Recognize when it might be beneficial to seek help from professionals such as child psychologists or family therapists. Sometimes, external guidance is crucial for addressing deeper behavioral issues or developing tailored strategies for emotional regulation.

Common misconceptions around tantrums and meltdowns

Tantrums are always voluntary: It’s a common belief that temper tantrums are always intentional and manipulative, but they often stem from young children’s inability to cope with overwhelming emotions or needs. This is part of normal child development, where children lack the language skills to express complex feelings. Recognizing that tantrums can be involuntary cries for help rather than deliberate misbehavior is crucial for effective parenting. Techniques like encouraging deep breaths or giving a firm hug can provide comfort and teach children better ways to express their emotions.

Ignoring tantrums is the best strategy: While ignoring a tantrum might sometimes discourage attention-seeking behavior, it doesn’t address underlying causes such as hunger, fatigue, or overstimulation. Assessing each situation to understand the common triggers can be more beneficial than a blanket strategy of ignoring. Engaging with your child to discuss what’s upsetting them and helping them articulate their needs can manage tantrums more constructively, teaching them valuable emotional management skills.

Tantrums and meltdowns are the same: Many mix up tantrums and meltdowns, but they are distinctly different. Temper tantrums often occur when children react to unmet desires and can be managed by setting boundaries or negotiating. In contrast, meltdowns are typically involuntary responses to overwhelming situations and require a different approach, focusing on reducing sensory overload and providing a calming environment. Understanding these differences can guide parents in responding appropriately to each situation, ensuring that children feel supported and understood.

Only young children have tantrums: While tantrums are more common in toddlers due to their limited emotional regulation, older children and even school-age kids can also experience them, especially when they haven’t developed sufficient self-control or language skills. Parenting strategies that include setting clear expectations and teaching emotional expression techniques are crucial in helping children of all ages manage their frustrations effectively.

Strict discipline is the best way to stop tantrums: Strict discipline might seem like a way to stop tantrums, but it can actually lead to a power struggle and make situations worse. Understanding your child’s emotional needs and triggers, coupled with supportive and consistent parenting, is more effective. Techniques that provide extra support and teach children how to use enough tools for emotional expression, such as language skills and self-soothe methods, can foster better behavior and emotional resilience.

Final thoughts

By staying calm, acknowledging feelings, and setting clear expectations, parents can handle immediate outbursts. Proactively, recognizing triggers and reinforcing good behavior help prevent future incidents. Over the long term, teaching children to express their emotions, modeling positive behavior, and maintaining consistency in parenting practices are key to nurturing their emotional development. Consistent application of these strategies will not only reduce behavioral issues but also enhance your child’s ability to navigate complex emotions and interactions.

If you find that tantrums and meltdowns are becoming unmanageable despite these efforts, consider reaching out to Anchor Light Therapy Collective. Our team of professionals specializes in child behavior and emotional development, and we’re here to support you and your child through personalized strategies and interventions.


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