Partners may avoid discussing where their relationship is headed because they’re worried their feelings may not be reciprocated. Navigating expectations around casual dating, exclusive dating, and committed relationships can be stressful, whether this is your first romantic relationship or you’re ready for marriage.
However, defining your relationship status can help you and your partner create a healthy partnership that meets both of your needs. That starts with understanding the differences between dating vs. a relationship and what it will take to make your casual relationship an exclusive one.
What Is Casually Dating?
Couples who are casually dating focus on getting to know each other and spending time together through planned dates. Physical intimacy may be part of a casual relationship, but in many cases, the emotional intimacy is not as in a dating relationship. Generally, there are no significant expectations beyond planning future dates, which can mean people in a dating relationship may date multiple people and share fewer personal details.
While casual relationships may not be the right long-term choice for everyone, casual dating offers companionship, physical intimacy, and some emotional intimacy.
What Is a Relationship?
A committed relationship (or serious relationship) is characterized by deeper emotional intimacy. This can include things like:
- Exclusivity and not dating people outside the relationship
- Mutual commitment
- More detailed and personal communication
- Increased expectations, such as prioritizing your partner
However, there can be some overlap between casual and committed relationships based on personal values and personalities. For example, casual dating can also include deep discussions, and some relationships may choose not to be exclusive.
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Difference Between Dating vs. a Relationship
A committed relationship usually focuses on building a shared future and connecting with increased vulnerability, while dating is all about the present and going out together to connect.
Some people may move from casual dating to committed relationship once they decide they enjoy connecting with their partner, and dating others becomes less appealing. When exclusively dating, people may continue focusing on the short term while learning more about themselves and deciding whether there is potential for a deeper commitment or sincere love for the person.
When a couple’s relationship status is moving from casual relationship to dating exclusively, they may remain somewhat independent of each other until they are more comfortable in the relationship and prioritize each other. This dating phase may feel experimental and, at times, stressful or cause anxiety due to the uncertainty of where the relationship may go.
It’s important to note, though, that not everyone who dates is interested in a long-term relationship. That may be due to their personal beliefs, history, or present stressors. Likewise, some people may not want to marry but want an exclusive relationship that includes physical and emotional intimacy.
So, how can you tell if you’re dating vs in a relationship?
You’re on the Same Page
Outlining mutual expectations can help build a healthy growth-oriented relationship. People in a relationship may reach a mutual agreement by having a conversation to define it, or they may gradually develop mutual trust, comfort, and commitment to maintain the relationship. Both partners increase emotional intimacy via compliments, deeper conversations, reassurance, and trust. Consider how different definitions of dating vs. relationships can impact the level of investment and talk about it with your partner to get on the same page and know what to expect from each other.
If you feel you and your partner aren’t on the same page, consider that the other person may have different dating experiences, attachment styles, personal goals, and insecurities. They may want to take the next step with you but have difficulty overcoming these barriers. Seeking professional support from an individual or a relationship counselor could be beneficial.
You Trust Each Other
Trust in a relationship can include relying on each other, maintaining exclusivity, or being comfortable with expressing your true self around them as you would with close friends and family. Trusting each other also means you’re comfortable being more vulnerable and are less anxious that your partner may leave you if you aren’t “perfect” all the time. It also conveys respect toward each other and the shared knowledge that you both willingly invest in the relationship.
When your relationship status is “just dating,” you are still getting to know the other person and may feel self-conscious about showing your true self. The level of trust is often lower and revolves around expectations to just have fun and be present during dates. There may be stress or anxiety around the ability to show your true self, but the risk may be lower as the level of commitment and investment is lower at this stage.
You’re Committed
A long-term relationship commits to sharing, whether that’s planning for marriage or maintaining and making the relationship stronger as you grow closer. However, mutual commitment doesn’t always mean a relationship with one person. This may also involve exploring each other’s feelings about exclusivity or consensual non-monogamy within a committed relationship. Building a polyamorous or open relationship may require more honest and deeper communication than in a casual relationship to preserve the commitment and trust.
Exclusivity is generally not expected in a casual relationship, and both parties can and often date others. Commitment, in this case, may be more short-term about planning and going on dates without exploring intimate details about each other or considering each other as a long-term partner.
Your Expectations Align
In a relationship, there are shared expectations based on the agreement to work toward a shared future. These expectations can include when and how often to get together with family and friends, how to spend time together, and what it would take to build a long-term relationship. To ensure a healthy relationship, it’s critical that these expectations align.
While dating, though, expectations are often low during the “getting to know each other” phase. Outlining personal expectations for dating in casual relationships as early as the first date can avoid confusion about intentions, including desires to continue dating other people as you get to know each other. Of course, expectations can shift as you identify whether you would like to move into a more serious relationship with the dating partner.
You Are Each Other’s Priority
A significant difference between dating vs. a relationship is prioritization. While your partner and the relationship can’t always be first, in a relationship, you keep your partner and their needs top of mind when you make decisions. For example, if you have to move across the country to take a job, how will that impact your partner’s career? How about the overall relationship?
Prioritizing each other requires greater effort, patience, and consideration. Getting to know your partner may involve understanding their habits and preferences by building “love maps” and creating more space for respect and consideration of the other person’s needs.
Before stepping into relationship territory, you may prioritize family, friends, or career, and there may be more focus on “me” rather than “we.” A person dating may also date other people or look for a connection without plans to build a life together, which can impact the amount of prioritization they can offer the other person. Talking about these preferences early on can help one realize if the other person is right for them, as people’s desire for closeness and availability can vary.
You Show Up
A critical difference between dating vs. a relationship is that in a relationship, you show up. You respond to texts, return phone calls, and are there when asked. In a casual or dating relationship, you or your partner may take days to respond to texts or calls and don’t give a firm answer to plans. You may be at the party, but you may not and won’t give a definite answer.
How to Tell If You’re Dating vs. in a Relationship
If you’re seeing someone and aren’t sure what your relationship status is, here are the common differences between dating and committed relationships.
Common Signs You’re Dating
You’re likely in a casual relationship or just dating if you or your partner focuses more on your individual needs over “couple needs.” You may spend more time apart or engage in activities that don’t include each other. Common signs you’re dating include:
- You or your partner are dating others.
- You spend more time apart than together.
- You can’t or won’t show your true self when you’re with your partner.
- You or your partner aren’t very emotionally intimate or vulnerable with each other.
- You or your partner prioritize things like your career above the relationship.
Common Signs You’re in a Relationship
In a committed relationship, you and your partner focus on each other. You may find you no longer need to plan your time together; it just happens. Instead of every date being a special event, you feel comfortable doing routine or mundane tasks together, like grocery shopping. Common signs you’re in a relationship are:
- You and your partner only want to see each other.
- You and your partner think about each other when making short and long-term plans.
- You spend more time together than apart.
- You and your partner share an emotional intimacy based on mutual respect and trust.
- You and your partner are discussing what a shared future will look like.
